Breaking Up is Hard to Do … But These Six Tips Can Make it Easier
by www.Sedona.com
For every 1,000 people, there were 3.6 divorces in 2007, and countless numbers of break ups between non-married couples. While it’s never ideal to go through a break up, it turns out that breaking up isn’t as hard to do as you may think.
According to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, people vastly overestimated how bad they would feel after a breakup.
“Our research shows that a breakup is not nearly as bad as people imagine, and the more you are in love with your partner, the more wrong you are about how upset you are going to be when the dreaded loss actually occurs,” said Eli Finkel, assistant professor of psychology in Northwestern’s Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences, and the co-author of this study, in a EurekAlert article.
Some of the discrepancy may occur, the researchers said, because people tend to overlook the good aspects of a breakup, such as being single again.
“People tend to be pretty resilient, often more so than they realize,” said Paul Eastwick, the lead author of the study in EurekAlert. “No one is saying that breaking up is a good time. It’s just that people bounce back sooner than they predict.”
So you can take some comfort in this knowledge if you know a breakup is near. But for those of you who have already crossed that bridge …
The Key Steps to Make Your Breakup Easier
A breakup is similar to any loss in your life, and you may actually go through the five stages of grief that people experience after losing a loved one. These stages are:
• Disbelief
• Yearning
• Anger
• Depression
• Acceptance
Ultimately, you want to move toward the place of acceptance because it’s at this stage that you’ll be able to move forward with your life, and even meet someone new. Here are the top tips to do this as quickly and easily as possible.
- Learn to let go using The Sedona Method. This is a tool that shows you how to release negative feelings that arise. So whether you’re wishing you had your ex back, blaming yourself for what happened, or feeling a fear of being alone, you’ll be able to simply free yourself of these self-sabotaging feelings.
- Let go of wanting to change what happened. “It is important to let go of wanting to change what happened to and in the relationship,” says Hale Dwoskin, CEO and director of training of Sedona Training Associates. “If we do not let go of wanting to change what happened we tend to simply have the same relationship over and over again with different people.”
- Love yourself as you are. After a breakup, it’s normal to start scrutinizing every aspect of yourself. Were you not pretty enough? Not funny enough? Not exciting enough? Of course, in reality you were “enough” in every aspect, but getting this through your head after a breakup can seem daunting. Still, let go of your feelings of lacking, and “know that you are still worthy, whole and complete even though it did not work out with that particular partner,” Dwoskin says.
- Don’t blame yourself. Breakups usually are the work of two people, and you may in fact be partly to “blame” for things not working out. But in no way should you allow yourself to think this. Once a relationship has ended, holding on to blame and other types of resentment and bitter feelings will slowly eat away at your soul. Let go of the blame you feel for yourself (or your ex), along with any disapproval you feel, and start with a clean slate.
- Do what feels good. Now is not the time to punish yourself for skipping the gym or pigging out on French fries. True, you will ultimately feel better if you exercise and eat well, but for now, cut yourself some slack. If you have an “off” day, don’t sweat it, tomorrow you can start fresh again.
- Revel in the single life. Remember, the above study found that people often underestimate the good things about breaking up, the obvious one being that you’re now single. This means you can do whatever you please, date whomever you want, and go out with your friends (as late as you want). This can be an exhilarating feeling … all you have to do is be open to feeling it.
Source
Journal of Experimental Social Psychology August 20, 2007
EurekAlert August 20, 2007
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