Sounds Like You're Having a Relationship
MALE3: The main reason I came here is to understand relationships more, and I'm talking about intimate love relationships, and to understand myself in relation to other people--one person in particular for me. There are all sorts of feelings that come up: fear, guilt, love, caring, all sorts of stuff.
HALE: Sure. It sounds like you’re having a relationship. [Everyone laughs]
MALE3: But it’s getting to a pinnacle point because she wants to be married and I don’t - [laughs] I’m not sure I want to marry her. And don’t tape that, or if you do, make sure a certain person doesn’t buy it.
HALE: We tape everything.
MALE3: Don’t forget my name’s Bill.
[Everyone laughs] Okay Bill… [laughs]
HALE: Let me simplify this for you. First of all, if there’s a conflict about marrying this person, while you’re here, I would do advantages and disadvantages in marrying her and advantages and disadvantages of not marrying her. What happens tends to happen in this environment which is a little different. Remember, I mentioned at the beginning, when we get together, one hundred and seventy six of us have a hundred and seventy six times a hundred and seventy six (176x176) power behind us to do our work. That’s the value of the group. So while you’re here, I would go back to the simplicity of what is the advantage of marrying this person, what is the disadvantage of marrying this person. So that’s one very practical suggestion.
MALE3: Okay, thank you. Now there’s something that came up that is a very sort of basic thing, that hopefully, everyone will feel like they’re gaining from – because I don’t imagine they’re all wondering about marrying someone or not marrying someone.
HALE: You’ll be surprised. [Everyone laughs] It starts before the first date.
MALE3: Oh okay. I thought you were going to say after the marriage.
ANONYMOUS: [Shouts out] That too!
HALE: That too… yes. “Will I do this again?” [Laughs] “Do I want to keep doing this?” So it goes on for a while… so don’t worry about it. That’s fine.
In my experience – and check this out – when you really love someone, there is no separation. You feel like you are them.
MALE3: Alright, thanks. [Everyone laughs hysterically]
HALE: That scared the crap out of him – “We’re not talking about it anymore. Forget I brought it up.” [Laughs] That was adorable – “Okay, thanks. Goodbye.”
So what exactly were you running away from there?
MALE3: Two things: one seemed pretty clear.
HALE: That’s true. I noticed the clarity.
MALE3: And the second thing is that I don’t feel that Oneness… which is sad.
HALE: Right. So you’re wanting that.
MALE3: Yes.
HALE: So could you welcome that?
Could you just welcome it? And just notice what it’s appearing in or on.
MALE3: I feel um, a lot of compassion.
HALE: Uh huh. That often comes up when you’re more present with what is.
MALE3: And I already know that there are also feelings of guilt.
HALE: So are you wanting to punish yourself for something?
MALE3: Well I… I don’t know. I would say… for feeling that I’m not there for her.
HALE: Right. So could you let go of wanting to punish yourself for that?
MALE3: I can. My mind is saying I shouldn’t. My mind is saying I should not.
HALE: Right. You haven’t been punished enough. But you already thought of the perfect punishment – to keep yourself separate and keep suffering.
MALE3: Yeah, it’s pretty good isn’t it?
HALE: But can you decide you’ve done that enough?
MALE3: Yes. Well, I don’t feel it now. I used to feel a lot of fear and I would approach that, too.
HALE: I understand but it’s not here.
MALE3: No.
What’s here now?
MALE3: My reality.
And is there any separation there?
MALE3: From what?
HALE: Right, exactly. Exactly. There are no boundaries. So can you see how there’s no problem here and now?
MALE3: Yup. Thank you.
Please Note: This is an excerpt from the upcoming Inner Circle Volume 4 Audio Program.