A Troubled Relationship is Unhealthier for You
than Being Single
by http://www.sedona.com
People who are in steady relationships tend to live longer and be happier than their single counterparts, but there is one caveat. The relationship must be a happy one to get these benefits.
As you might suspect, troubled relationships can be big trouble for your health, yet many people stay together, despite being unhappy, because they fear being alone.
A Troubled Relationship May Harm Your Health
You may logically know that living in constant conflict will wear you down, but you may not be aware of how quickly, or how severely, an unhappy marriage or partnership can impact your health.
Consider what the research says.
- A study in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine found that you’re better off being single than staying in an unhappy relationship. Those who had a lot of negative encounters with their spouse had blood pressure readings that were an average of five points higher than singles.
- Couples who argue often take longer to heal from simple wounds. This may be because the stress leads to a decrease in the release of pro-inflammatory proteins, essential for healing, at the wound site. Researchers suggest that over time changes in the levels of these proteins could increase your risk of heart disease, cancer, arthritis, type 2 diabetes, and depression.
- A study in the Archives of Internal Medicine found that married women who were consistently dissatisfied with their relationship were at a higher risk of developing metabolic syndrome than those who were happily married.
- People in unhappy relationships report having more sleep problems, according to researchers from the University of Pittsburgh.
Still, even knowing the risks involved, how do you know if it’s time to call it quits?
Signs Your Relationship is Definitely on the Rocks
“If your relationship does not nurture you and support you in being strong and free within yourself then it may not be a healthy relationship, or you may have an unhealthy response to this relationship -- or relationships in general,” says Hale Dwoskin, CEO and director of training of Sedona Training Associates. “It is best to bring your happiness and strength to relationships rather than trying to get those qualities from them.”
Some red flags that your relationship may not work out include:
- You regularly feel drained, sad, angry or empty after spending time with the person.
- You feel you can’t be yourself in their presence.
- The person breaks promises and/or dates with you regularly.
- You have conflicting ideas about major life issues like marriage, children, religion, neatness, finances, etc.
- You have trouble communicating openly, and argue over frequent misunderstandings.
- Any type of physical violence or verbal abuse.
- The person is extremely jealous or controlling.
- The person is chronically late or displays other signs of disrespect.
- The person is still obviously hanging on to their ex.
- You routinely catch the person lying.
Should You Stay or Should You Go?
This is often the most difficult question to answer. You’ve been having trouble, but can you work it out … or should you just end it now?
If you’ve been having trouble but you’re not ready to give up on the relationship just yet, Dwoskin recommends letting go of your concerns using The Sedona Method.
“The best way to resolve any relationship trouble is to release all your feelings about your partner and yourself -- also release your feelings about being in or out of a relationship -- until there is only love,” he says. “Once you have done this then you will naturally stay in the relationship if it is appropriate and go if it is not.”
Still, even when you KNOW that it’s time to move on, most of us dread the actual act of doing so. Yet, often this dread is much worse than the actual break-up. In reality, you can end your relationship in a way that preserves your own, and your partner’s, self-esteem and future happiness.
Doing this also involves letting go of your negative emotions using The Sedona Method.
“By being open and honest with your partner, and by not blaming them for what happened, you can find a more mutual way to end the relationship,” Dwoskin says.
As you release the feelings of loss, resentment, self-doubt, and guilt that come with ending a relationship, you will find that you are free to feel positive things about yourself and your life. Or, if you decide to stay together and work things out, releasing your negative emotions each and every day will ultimately make your relationship stronger.
Sources
U.S. News & World Report June 9, 2008
MSN Health & Fitness
WebMD.com December 5, 2005
WebMD.com May 13, 2005
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