"I'm Not Living My Own Life!"
What to Do if Others' Controlling Behaviors Control You
by www.Sedona.com
Do your weeks fly by with every spare second spent doing something for others? Do your kids, your spouse, your parents, your boss and your coworkers mean everything to you, to the point that you'll sacrifice your own dreams and personal time to please them?
If so, you are very likely allowing your life to be controlled by others.
Controlling behavior exists on a wide spectrum. At the most extreme, controlling mannerisms - such as not allowing you to talk to your friends and family - can be outright abuse. The type we're referring to here, though, is the controller who means well, yet very gradually sucks the very life right out of you.
In this context, the "controller" could be your mother, your spouse, your boss, or even your child (assuming you always give in to their whimsies).
If you are being controlled by others, you very well may feel like you have no life of your own to speak of.
How are Others Controlling You?
Often, the person being controlled in a controlling relationship may not even realize that it's happening. It's very easy to get caught up in a routine that's all about someone else, and before you know it you're no longer living your own life.
Here are some top things that controlling people may do to get you to do what they want:
-
Act like they are a victim, and you must save them
-
Threaten to withdraw love or support if you don't do something
-
Tell you that they have done everything for you, and now it's your turn to take care of them (essentially guilting you into it)
-
Make up an illness (mental or physical) to get your attention
-
Say they "forgot" to do something so you have to do it
-
Act too stressed or anxious to complete something, so you have to
-
Offer you a reward for doing what they want
-
Act helpless or incompetent
-
Threaten self-destruction if you don't step in
-
Tell you that you're essential to their life
If you recognize a few of these signs in one of your relationships, you likely also recognize the signs of being controlled, which include:
-
You often give up your own plans for others
-
You feel as though you owe the person something
-
You rarely make important decisions without consulting this person first
-
You've changed your opinions about something to please someone
-
Every second of your free time is taken up fulfilling the needs of others (and never the needs of yourself)
-
-
-
Regain Control of Your Life
The KEY thing to remember if you want to live YOUR life, and not worry about pleasing everyone to do it, is that you cannot change the actions of others; you can only change your own.
This means that your controlling mother, boss or spouse will very likely continue to exhibit controlling behaviors. But that does not mean that you have to respond to them.
It's up to YOU to make the decision right now to no longer give in to the wants of others, and instead to please yourself.
"All value comes from within," says Hale Dwoskin, CEO and director of training of Sedona Training Associates.
To find your inner confidence and value, check out The Sedona Method. With just three simple questions, The Method shows you how to let go of the self-sabotaging feelings, such as guilt, fear of abandonment and low self-esteem, that are allowing you to be controlled by others.
"As you let go of wanting to be controlled by others, you'll find yourself acting more independently and with more confidence. You will also take charge of your own life and live in greater harmony with those around you," Dwoskin says.
| 
