Effective Listening:
How to Listen and Why Improving
This Neglected Skill Will Change Your Life
by www.Sedona.com When it comes to communication, people are quick to focus on the verbal aspects: what we say, how we say it, and who we say it to. But there is something even more important than the words leaving our lips, and that is the ears they fall upon. Listening, and doing so effectively, is one of the most important skills a person can have, for business and for their personal life. What makes listening so important? It’s what allows us to have meaningful communication. Yes, you can speak and you can carry on a conversation without truly listening, but to do so is to miss the essence of what is said. When we listen we show the other person that we are taking them seriously; that we respect their opinions. By doing so, the other person is likely to respond by being open to your ideas. Meanwhile, listening helps us to learn, to adapt to our environment and understand the world around us and to feel socially accepted, rather than isolated. We’ve all had conversations when we don’t really listen to what the other person is saying. Maybe your spouse told you an entire story about their day at work before you realized you hadn’t really heard it. Or you met a potential customer at a trade show, only to realize that when they told you their name and company, it went in one ear and out the other. Meanwhile, you surely know how frustrating it can be when you are the one whose words have fallen on deaf ears. You can usually tell by the spaced out look on someone’s face, the bewilderment when you ask them a question about what you’ve said, or, in some cases, the complete lack of acknowledgement altogether. Why We Don’t Practice Effective Listening Even the most well-intentioned people sometimes don’t listen. It can happen before you even realize it, and it’s often not intentional. Then, when it’s too late, you realize you haven’t heard a thing that’s been said to you. One of the major reasons for this is the thoughts that are constantly running through our minds. While we listen at 125-250 words per minute, we think at 1,000-3,000 words per minute, according to the International Listening Association (ILA). So clearly we’re up against some major competition. “It is amazing that we hear anything anyone says to us at all,” says Hale Dwoskin, CEO and director of training of Sedona Training Associates. “Most of us are having several running conversations in our head at all times. There is the critic, the narrator and the many sub characters that are always arguing with each other. Plus, everything we hear is influenced by our beliefs and passed through our filters so it’s interpreted based on our past traumas and mistakes. Meanwhile, most people are biding their time, waiting for their turn to talk rather than listening,” Dwoskin continues. It’s not surprising, then, that the ILA found people are distracted, preoccupied or forgetful a full 75 percent of the time. Further, according to ILA: • We usually recall just 50 percent of what was said immediately after we talk to someone
• We spend just 45 percent of our time listening
• We remember just 20 percent of what we hear
• Only 2 percent of us have had formal educational experience with listening That said, if you are still looking for a reason to listen more effectively, ILA says that 85 percent of what we have learned we’ve learned by listening. How to Listen Effectively Listening is not just about being quiet while someone else is speaking. According to ILA, “Listening is the process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages.” Key to being an effective listener is first knowing how to quiet your own mind, so that it is free and able to fully absorb what is being said. The Sedona Method is an excellent tool to help you quiet your mind because it shows you how to easily and naturally let go of your racing thoughts. “The simplest way to quiet your mind is to let go using The Sedona Method. When we let go our mind automatically slows down and becomes more engaged in what is actually happening now. This makes it much easier to be present with who you are speaking to and actually listen to what they are saying,” Dwoskin says. Plus, you will learn The Sedona Method by listening to the program on CD, which is an ideal way to start honing your listening skills. Meanwhile, practice the following effective listening tips to become a truly great listener: • Repeat things. It shows that you are interested and helps you remember what is said. • Be empathetic. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and really think about what they are telling you. • Ask questions. If you don’t understand something, ask for clarification. Meanwhile, show your enthusiasm by asking for more details. • Maintain eye contact. Nothing says “I’m not listening” faster than wandering eyes. Show you’re listening by using good eye contact, by leaning forward and by giving your full attention to the speaker. • Practice. The more you practice effective listening, the better you will become. The Sedona Method is an ideal way to practice listening while achieving the benefits of quieting your mind and reaching higher levels of peace and well-being.
Sources
International Listening Association
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