What to Do if You are Ever the Target of Malicious Gossip
by www.Sedona.com
Whether at the office water cooler, the monthly PTA meeting or sitting in the stands at your child’s soccer game, you’ve probably heard some gossip today (and perhaps even spread a little yourself). This is not inherently a bad thing, as experts say most gossip helps us feel like we fit in, teaches us about our surroundings and helps us bond with others. "If people aren't talking about other people, it's a signal that something is wrong -- that we feel socially alienated or indifferent," says Ralph Rosnow, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Temple University and coauthor of “Rumor and Gossip: The Social Psychology of Hearsay.” However, while most gossip is innocent (so-and-so is getting divorced, the new guy drives a Hummer, etc.) and quite harmless, there are times when gossip can be malicious. "What is so interesting about gossip is that it really walks the line between what is acceptable and what is not," says Marion Underwood, PhD, a psychology professor at the University of Texas at Dallas. "It is completely unacceptable for me to punch my colleague, but if I tell people he drinks too much, I am less likely to be called on it.” In the following circumstances, the gossip has crossed the “acceptable” line and has morphed into something that can really hurt someone emotionally or practically (such as putting their job or marriage in jeopardy): - Exposing something that is supposed to be a secret
- Lying about something
- Saying something hurtful
- Spreading a negative rumor
- Saying something to be malicious, spiteful or vengeful
If you find that you are the target of malicious gossip such as the situations listed above, the following tips can help stop the gossip and protect your emotional health. 1. Approach the gossip. This should be done in a non-confrontational, but forthright, way. If you are certain the person has said something spiteful about you, you could say, “I found that comment to be offensive and would appreciate if you would refrain from this type of behavior in the future.” Meanwhile, if you are not certain, but you suspect, the person has said a mean-spirited thing about you, you could say, “I have heard you saying some negative things about people in the office [or elsewhere] that I know are untrue. These comments are offensive and I’d appreciate you not spreading them around in the future.” 2. Seek help from a superior. Depending on the situation, there may be someone to whom you can report the gossip’s behavior. In an office, this would be a manager or human resources official. In a school setting, a teacher, principal, counselor or social worker. In an extreme public situation, a slander lawsuit is also an option. 3. Get it out in the open. If the gossip still persists, you can fight back by letting those in your social circle know that this particular person is saying untrue things about you. Once the group knows that someone is a malicious gossiper, they’re more likely to ignore what he or she says, and restrict their own dealings with the person as well. 4. Protect your emotions. The Sedona Method is a simple tool to help you fortify yourself emotionally so that you feel confident, positive and at ease with yourself -- even in the face of malicious gossip. This is achieved by tapping into your natural ability to let go of any negative thought or feeling in the moment, including any insecurities, anger or resentments that may have popped up due to malicious gossip. 5. Don’t participate in malicious gossip yourself. You may be tempted to start a negative rumor of your own in retaliation against the gossiper. You should resist this temptation as you will be surrounding yourself in negative emotions (the same ones you are letting go of with The Sedona Method) and your relationships may suffer if your friends, colleagues and loved ones fear you may start gossiping maliciously about them too! Sources: American Psychological Association “Monitor on Psychology” The Real Slant on Gossip
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