How to Repair a Relationship That
Has been Damaged for a Long Time
by www.Sedona.com Every relationship has its ups and downs, and it’s common to butt heads – whether with your parents, siblings, friends, or spouse – from time to time. There are sometimes certain issues, however, that are so deeply seated and long-standing that they may feel next to impossible to overcome. Issues such as these tend to be resentments built up from childhood, an experience that left you deeply hurt, bitterness that has festered because of a past betrayal or argument, and so on. Often, this emotional turmoil is devastating to the relationship, and may even have resulted in you both going your separate ways. Why Restoring Damaged Relationships is Important Perhaps you are now thinking about a relationship in your life that has gone sour. It may be that you have not communicated with the person in years or even decades, yet, when you think about it the hurt still feels strong. When we hold on to negativity such as this – regardless of who “caused” the damage – it is like opening a floodgate of more emotional upheaval into our lives. Meanwhile, time is passing that you are not able to enjoy and grow from a relationship that was once important to you. Often, on the surface people deny that the damaged relationship is still affecting them. Yet, every time a daughter who is at odds with her mother lets a Mother’s day go by, or a pair of best friends who no longer speak are reminded of their favorite fishing spot, you may feel a twinge of pain inside. Whether you are actively suppressing this pain, or perhaps letting it out in your own way, you are allowing a constant flow of negativity to envelope your life. Forgiveness is a Key to Moving On Whether you choose to restore your damaged relationship or not is up to you, but one thing that must take place either way is forgiveness. Why? Because if you continue to hold on to the hurt, perhaps even replaying the scenario in your head endlessly, you are exposing yourself to chronic stress – the kind that slowly eats away at you. Chronic stress has been linked to many illnesses, including heart disease, cancer, depression, back pain, fatigue and autoimmune diseases. It can also keep you awake at night, make you feel anxious and, quite simply, keep you from enjoying your life. On the other hand, letting go of your past hurts allows you to feel free emotionally and also has very real physical effects. In fact, an ABC News article even reported "studies show that letting go of anger and resentment can reduce the severity of heart disease and, in some cases, even prolong the lives of cancer patients."
Remember, forgiving someone does not mean that you are justifying a wrong behavior or “caving in.” It means that you are allowing yourself to move on…physically, emotionally and in a very healthy direction. How to Repair a Relationship: Letting Go and Starting Fresh The first step to overcoming deep-seated issues and potentially repairing your hurt relationship, according to Hale Dwoskin, CEO and director of training of Sedona Training Associates, is deciding if you would like to keep the relationship or not. If you decide that you truly do not want the relationship, it is still important for you to forgive and let go of the hurt so that you can move on. Meanwhile, if you want to keep the relationship, you still must learn to let go. Letting go is a natural ability in all of us, but you can learn how to tap into this ability using The Sedona Method. The Method is a scientifically proven system that makes it easy to release negative thoughts and share open and satisfying communication. Also important in restoring any relationship, Dwoskin points out, is agreeing to start fresh. “It is important to let go of whatever has happened in the past, and then make an agreement to start fresh. This means making agreements with each other as to how you would like your relationship to proceed,” he says. Remember also not to get caught up in who is right or wrong, as this will add to the emotional trauma, not help you to release it.
“After you’ve agreed to start fresh,” says Dwoskin, “review the past either together or separately and let go of the memories and hurts that you are holding onto. Remember, it is not about proving who was right or wrong or who owes what to whom. It is about letting go of the past and starting anew.”
Source
A Campaign for Forgiveness Research
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