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Managing Anger When Someone Has Intentionally Wronged You

by Hale Dwoskin

Managing anger is never easy, but when you’re angry because you feel you’ve been intentionally wronged, it can seem impossible. Whether you were the victim of a crime, a planned revenge, gossip or any other hurtful situation, your angry response is a natural, albeit quite intrinsically harmful, one.

Your Anger at Them is Harming You

No matter what the intentions or motives of someone else’s actions, you only have control over your reaction to the situation, not the situation itself, and so “intentionally wronged” is a concept that can only cause you suffering.

This is not to say that you don’t have a right to be angry. You may very well be justified in feeling anger toward the person, yet you are inadvertently harming yourself in the process. You see, when you get angry, your body responds both emotionally and physically.

From a physical perspective, your heart rate rises, as does your blood pressure and energy hormones, such as adrenaline. If you hold on to the anger, and remain in this heightened angry state for a long time, you’re putting your body under unnecessary chronic stress, which has been linked to serious illnesses — heart disease, cancer, depression, autoimmune diseases and reproductive problems — and minor illnesses — stomach upset, back pain, headaches and fatigue — alike.

In fact, anger:

  • Increases your risk for cardiovascular disease, diabetes and high blood pressure, according to the August 2007 issue of Brain, Behavior and Immunity.
  • Decreases your lung function, according to the journal Health Psychology.
  • May predict your risk of heart disease better than other traditional risk factors like high cholesterol, cigarette smoking and weight, according to a study in the November 2002 issue of Health Psychology.

From an emotional perspective, anger that is left unmanaged is often suppressed, and then converted or redirected. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), ‘This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior.”

“The danger in this type of response,” APA continues, “is that if it isn’t allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward on yourself. Anger turned inward can cause high blood pressure or depression.”

Not only that, but anger that you hold in can lead you to focus on these negative feelings, causing you to become irritable, cynical, critical and generally hostile to be around. In turn, this can impact your personal relationships and your professional goals.

So while you may have very well been wronged …

Anger is Anger, No Matter What the Cause

And by holding on to this anger, you are only letting the person continue to wrong you.

Yet, how can you let go of this feeling that has such a strong emotional hold on you?

Realize the idea that you’ve been “intentionally wronged” is only a story you have told yourself about the situation, a piece of fiction. This makes it easier to let go.

By releasing your anger, something you can learn to do on the spot using The Sedona Method, you are freeing yourself from its negative side effects, including mental upset, physical disturbances and relationship tension.

Experiment with moving from the story of what the person did to how you feel about the situation, and then allow yourself to feel your feelings and let them go. As you begin to let go in this way, you will begin to feel at peace and your anger at the person will dissolve.

By using The Sedona Method, you are quite literally making the choice to be happy instead of angry. It really is that simple once you realize that any feeling, even strong anger, is something that you can easily let go of.

-Hale Dwoskin